Next Patient Please!
by Dragonhardt
Summary: Oneshot. Bruce has finally settled down as a doctor. One day, Bruce has to resort to Tony to be his assistant since he can't find cover. When an unexpected visitor arrives for an examination Tony tries his best to overcome natural urges - and fails! Frostiron. Rated M just to be safe. Not really explicit, rather extremely suggestive. Some language. WARNING: Plot is totally absurd!


**Okay, I had to write this. See it as a christmas present for you all. READ and REVIEW. **

After all the Avengers malarkey that occurred last year, things had finally settled down. No more SHIELD, no more Chitauri and thankfully, no more Loki. Tony and Bruce, or, the Science Bros, as they liked to call themselves, had become good friends. And the Other Guy, y'know, the green one, wasn't on SHIELD's bad books anymore - so Bruce could live an open life. He could control and subdue his other personality. He was now a doctor, practicing in New York. It was a good life. Though, nobody knew what happened to Loki. Tony and Bruce presumed he was rotting in a jail cell somewhere in outer space.

'Listen, Tony, can I ask you a favour?'

'Sure thing, bro,'

'My assistant isn't in today, and nobody can cover, so...'

'Wait, you're asking me to be your assistant?'

'Only for the day!'

'Hmm, okay! Sure! Why not?'

'Hey, thanks Tony. You know where the surgery is right?'

'Umm yeah, ok, see ya in five!'

Bruce threw down his phone with a sigh of relief. Winter was the height of illness and injury and he had a whole waiting room full of people. He sat down behind his desk and called in his next patient.

'Hey! Sorry I'm late! Traffic eh?'

Tony burst in, interrupting an old man who came here to have a conversation, rather than to be examined. Bruce rolled his eyes and apologised to the man. Tony, being his usual intrusive self, leaned on the corner of Bruce's desk.

'Tony, hold on! I've got a patient to deal with right now! Go sit in the corner or something!'

Tony held his hands up in a surprised manner.

'Calm it! _Doctor.'_

'Okay, Mr Richards, I advise you to rest that leg, no heavy lifting. The pain should subside in a few days. Painkillers should help. If the pain hasn't disappeared in the next five days, come back.'

The man nodded and limped out of the surgery.

'Wow. He was a character.' Tony said from across the room.

'Okay, so, are you actually qualified?' Bruce asked.

'Phh, are there weird godly aliens in space? Course I am. I received qualifications whilst you were still taking your finals, here, I've brought proof!'

Tony reached into his blazer pocket and took out a few crumpled pieces of paper. He unraveled them and read each one.

'Lets see, okay. Aha! Here it is!'

Bruce snatched the ruined paper off Tony and read it suspiciously.

'Tony, you're a qualified doctor? How..?'

'I'm a qualified everything, let's get to work!'

Throughout most of the day, Tony sat in a chair next to Bruce's desk; occupying himself with a stress ball he had found in one of the drawers. Most of the people didn't need to be examined, and Tony was bored. Very bored. As soon as the last patient went, a middle aged woman complaining of a headache, Bruce pressed a button on his desk, and called in the next patient.

'Okay, let's see who we've got.' Bruce examined the computer for files on his desktop for his next patient.

'Apparently, it's from someone who's not from around here, there's no medical record of them whatsoever! How did that even happen?'

'I dunno, maybe it's some homeless guy or something. Let's wait and see!'

'Oh, wait. Here's his name - it says - Bill, Bill Hazeldine?'

Suddenly, three loud knocks came from behind the door.

'Come in!' Bruce shouted. The door opened with a loud creak. Both Bruce and Tony watched the door open with anticipation. The mystery person was undeniably familiar. He caused Tony to drop his stress ball. It bounced along the floor. The person stayed rooted in his position near the door, looking as shocked as Tony and Bruce. Tony was the first to speak.

'Reindeer Games?' He whispered, incapable of saying or doing anything else.

'I seriously need more sleep. Yup, hallucinations are not good. Loki is actually in my surgery, geez.' Bruce said worriedly.

'M…maybe I should leave…'

'No. Stay. Explain!' Tony shouted sternly, like a teacher yelling at a child who had been bad. Loki looked around worriedly. He really hadn't changed, except for his clothes and his now non existent wounds. He looked cleaner and well rested too. Cautiously, Loki took a seat in front of Bruce's desk.

'Okay. So… my punishment for trying to take over the planet was, ironically, to be exiled from Asgard to Midgard. Odin was sure to take away my powers. So I am a mere man, living in Manhattan.'

'How long have you lived here?'

'About a year now.'

Tony smiled.

'You know that you are in _our _power now.' He said sinisterly. Loki flinched.

'Yes.' He surrendered.

'And do you realise that we have the authority to kick your ass?'

'Yes.'

'And if you make one _tiny attempt _to harass us, Thor _will _find out-'

'_Yes!_' Loki muttered darkly.

'Okay, I suppose you are the patient. So I am not going to treat you any differently to others. Same goes with Tony. What can we do for you?'

Loki still felt awkward and apprehensive. He really hadn't expected to see his two mortal enemies in the surgery.

'Well…I've been umm….'

'Go on.'

'Having some, ahem, _abdominal pains._' Loki blushed bright red. Tony had to suppress laughter.

'On a scale of one to ten, how bad are these pains?'

'Ten.' Loki admitted.

'Awww, I think it's somebody's time of the month. Pepper used to have bad pains but they soon go away!'

'Shut up _Stark_!' Loki hissed. Bruce gave Tony a funny look and continued.

'How long have you been experiencing these pains?'

'About three months now.'

Bruce sighed.

'Okay, you'll have to be examined. Take your shirt off and lie on the bed for me. I'll have my _assistant _examine you.'

'WHAT?' Tony and Loki shouted simultaneously.

'Tony, this is what you do. Loki, would you rather it be me or Tony.'

'Tony!' Loki shouted instantaneously, remembering that last incident with Bruce Banner.

Tony gave Loki a menacing look. Loki returned it as he unbuttoned his shirt. Leaving his shirt on the chair, Loki awkwardly walked over to the bed and lifted himself onto it. Instead of lying, he perched on the edge, resembling a blackbird looking at his prey from a branch. Loki was skinny, but he had a six-pack nonetheless. Tony had to inwardly punch himself to take his eyes of Loki. What was he thinking? Tony walked up to Loki, unfortunately, Tony was too busy concentrating on Loki's bare chest rather than his footwork, and tripped. As if it could be any more awkward, Tony landed on Loki, knocking him over onto the bed.

'You're so warm.'

'Stark!'

'Aren't you meant to be a snowman?'

'Get off! And yes, I'm a Frost Giant.'

'You yourself aren't giant but I know something that is, and it's poking me right now.'

Loki stared at him, horrified. But, deep down, he felt different. _Very _different.

'Tony Stark!' Bruce shouted.

Tony went pale.

'Oh, right! Shit! Okay! Umm… Lie on your back please.'

What was he doing? Tony wasn't like that. Ever! Ever since Loki had entered the room something had crept into Tony's mind that controlled him, gave him urges. It certainly was not Tony. But he couldn't get rid of it. He didn't want to. Loki nodded and lied down, but he couldn't take his eyes off Tony.

'Stark?'

'What!'

'Are you _pleased _by me?'

'No man! What?'

'Something tells me otherwise.'

'Tony looked down and noticed the bulge in his pants! Shit! What the hell was going on? Why was this happening?

'Oh, no! That's, umm… how these pants fit. ' Tony lied, trying to cover his embarrassment.

'Really?' Loki drawled.

'Yes. Anyway back to work!'

'Tony?' Bruce interrupted. Tony looked over at him with a pleading look.

'Maybe I'll take it over from here.' Bruce said.

Tony nodded. He quickly rushed out of the room, thanking Bruce. He needed to wash his face, which was drenched in sweat.

Tony admired his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. It must have been the drink he had drunk earlier that made him different. Wait, did he have a drink? He couldn't remember. But the urges had hopefully disappeared. No more Loki should be in his mind.

'Stark!'

Fuck! Wha…

'What are you doing here?'

Loki shrugged and held up a small plastic container.

'Banner said something about a _urine sample. _Does this really mean what I think it means?

Tony nodded slowly, looking at the man in the mirror.

'Ugh, humans are disgusting!'

Loki winced and held his stomach.

'It's bad, huh?'

'Yes!' Loki shouted through gritted teeth. Tony moved over to Loki and held his shoulder.

'Dude, I don't know how to say this, but, it wasn't the pants.'

'I realised.' Loki said plainly.

'You, you're not mad?'

'No. Why should I be? I quite enjoy your company myself, I must say.' Loki straightened up and perceived the bottle he was holding.

'How am I meant to do this?'

'Pee in it.'

Loki smiled. His emerald eyes gazed into Tony's own.

'I may need some help.'

'Dude...'

'Fine. Go!' Loki bit his lip.

'I never said I wouldn't'.

**OMFG What did I just write? Well, yeah that was weird and the plot was bizarre. Oh well. Normally, I don't like Frostiron 'love at first sight' but it was a oneshot, so I had to squeeze in as much as possible. ****Don't judge me! **


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